Wednesday, April 10, 2013

I'm a Yeller...Parenting Flaw #56

I'm a yeller...That's it I said it...I admit it ....I've put the ugly mommy word out there for all to see.

I always hear people say "wow, 6 kids, you must have a lot of patience"

Every time I hear that I slowly cringe inside...because some days that is so not the truth

I would watch 19 kids and counting and see Mrs Duggar parent with such sweetness and with a calm manner.  She surely has tons of squabbles to break up a day...tons of messy children (I mean  surely)...dinner prep a pain when babies needing changing or fed or put for a nap.  I mean surely she has days where she breaks a few windows with her screams?

I see other moms blog posts of happy clean houses ...not a clutter to be seen.....perfectly dressed children...all playing like some BHG magazine ad....Surely those mom's have never yelled at those perfect kids.

I will chat with other moms in play group and they seem so sweet and kind...surely they've never raised their voice either. 

So what's wrong with me?

I don't want to yell...I don't want to be that mom that my kids remember her yelling. 

I will promise myself today will be better...today I will stop....I will close my eyes and think before I open my mouth.  Today will be the day that I will not LET what little issues the kids have effect me.  Today I will not stress over the fact that for the millionth time no one listened to me ....

But those days last for all of 5 secs

The kids ask me why I yell. 

I told them because that seems the only way anyone ever hears me...and for proof I'll show them.

For a few days I would ask the kids to do....(fill in the blank)  in my happy mommy voice.

It wouldn't get done.

A little while later I would again approach them and tell them what I needed done.

Again I was totally ignored. 

I would wait a hr or so later...and ask one more time...."Please do as I asked you to do"

Again totally ignored.  See no one seems to hear that mommy who uses her normal voice.  She's ignored....spit on (not literally)....basically I feel like a fool.   I feel like I'm not important and that who cares if I'm talking to them....I'm that annoyance yet again asking them to do things...deep sigh I mean come on HOW COULD I POSSIBLY ASK THEM TO DO ANYTHING RIGHT?!

Which makes me mad....In my mind I ask these children of very little.  They are not required to do many chores when they arrive home.  I don't have them scrubbing toilets...mopping floors....dusting fans or cleaning fridges before they can play on their electronic devices....or play outside with friends.

It's the typical...Please put your shoes in your basket and bags in your cubby.  It's been this way for 7 years...and 1 or 2 of them seem to have brain farts when they come home and forget this....


Snack wrappers, trash, juice containers opened, drink glasses everywhere....and then like a hurricane said child is no where to be seen to clean it up. 

I will see a bag spread all over the floor right where you walk and shoes spread from here to there.....

So I will remind them...please put your things away and clean up your mess.  I am ignored

I will say "Stop...look at me...and repeat what the rules are when we come home from school?"

They repeat....I tell them to stop what they are doing and do it.

Sometimes they do....sometimes they don't

This is why I get angry

I feel taken advantage of.  I bust my bum some days (some days I try)  to keep this house picked up...dishes unloaded in the dishwasher....house in order.  Dinner ready for everyone at 5:15....snacks ready for after school and then no  one does a thing to help me. 

So I yell.  I scream....and then all of the sudden they scurry like mice doing WHAT THEY SHOULD HAVE BEEN DOING. 

I hate it.

I hate raising my voice.  Some days I will txt my neighbor and ask if she heard me.  (you know the mom next door with 6 kids too?!!)  She will sometimes txt back the same thing haha  It's nice to know I'm not alone, but we hate it.


Mini Me every morning will have breakfast before school...it's simple...throw your trash away and put your plate  up....every morning I will see all her mess still sitting there...(Looks over to where she sits and her trash is away this morning, but her headphones and sketch pad are still sitting there)

Yes, Yes, Yes, I've heard the "take away privileges ..don't let them play with friends"  that doesn't really work.   It doesn't fix lazy.  It doesn't fix this 'ignore mom' 

I want to instill the value of taking care of their own things.....to look around and see a mess and pick it up...not walk over it.  I want them to see trash and put it in it's place EVEN IF THEY DIDN'T DO IT.

I hear the "I didn't do that" over and over.  It's like it's the excuse to help be lazy

My answer  HALF THE MESSES IN THIS HOUSE I DIDN'T DO EITHER BUT SOMEONE HAS TO PICK IT UP. 

I picked a week one time when the kids were smaller where I didn't tell them what to do ...nor did I do anything they needed.  After the first day they (meaning the 3 big kids) came to me and said they were sorry.  That lasted all about a week....

It's not only the big kids...it's also having toddlers who are dealing with emotions.  And Mommy needs to learn to handle hers to teach them to handle theirs

You know the toddler phase...they are just learning to talk...and have all these emotions and they explode trying to explain what they want.  
The small kids will want to help make their lunch with me.  They will both scoot their chairs over to the counter and help spread the food...etc.  Some days Reid will yell at Lily b/c she has his plate...or she will yell b/c she wanted the knife he has and not the  she has...where they will start to hit each other and scream...I'm trying to break it up....teling Lily it's ok...he has one and she has one...or Reid settle down this is your plate...that one is hers etc....it's like a cat fight and everyone is screaming and no one can hear mommy.  Some days I just walk away....they will stop and look at me....and have these looks like 'How dare you leave us in the middle of this'  
  I don't want to be a yelling mom. 

I don't want my kids to remember  "Wow my mom was a screamer" 

I don't want to feel my blood boil at the next time I am ignored.

I know I can't avoid every squabble fights the kids have....or avoid every mess ...but I would love to learn how to get angry

There you have it....I am a yeller! 

Patience?  HA Some days it's just not there!  Some days I let things roll off my back and go with the flow....

So far today I have done great!  (It's only 8:11 am haha) 


9 comments:

Dianna said...

I am a screamer/raise my voicer also! And I only have one kid! I hate that I do it, but it just happens when I ask Cooper to stop playing with the blinds for the 5th time! I need to work on this!

ashley said...

Thank you for keeping it real! I am a yeller too and I HATE it. I feel like I have such little patience some days and it's so tiring. I've been trying to keep my yelling to a minimum.

Brandi said...

Dude, I feel like I wrote this post...I'm in the same boat!!! I know exactly how u feel!!

LeAnna said...

My Mom was a yeller, and I turned out okay (haha)! Seriously, though. This is something I have to literally pray through. Can't change it on my own, it requires divine intervention! Teaching first time obedience takes so much effort, it's hard to follow through all the time. We're dealing with that right now, it makes me cranky.

Mommarazzi said...

YES! I hate it too, but sometimes I just get so tired of being ignored. I am praying about it and trying so hard to be intentional with my words and tone. Good luck to you!

Michaela Anne said...

Oh yes girl...I'm a yeller/screamer as well. I hate it. I too always say I'm going to do better but it doesn't last. Some days I fail miserably with patience and seems all I do is yell...but it gets my point across and then I apologize for losing it. :)

jen said...

This could have been posted on my blog. What is it about kids that makes you wanna squeeze the life out of them because you love them so much, or because they won't pick up their stuff?? Been there, do that.

MaryAnne said...

I don't know you but I think you are pretty amazing. :) As for all those perfect looking people don't forget you only see their highlight reel not the behind the scenes stuff. They don't want to show that because they are probably yellers too.

Jessi said...

ME TOO, mama. Me too!!! I thought I was the only one. We're not perfect, no one is. Every day I try to tell myself that I will be better today too. Sometimes I am, most of the time I fail. It's not easy. Not easy at all. I'm so glad you posted this.

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